So today my family decided to blast me on my complaints about the amount of salt in my food, It shouldn’t have been a big deal, but they transitioned from food into how I’m lazy blah blah. My brother had decided to raise his tone with me so I had asked him to say it to me again, he had so I grabbed him and punched him on the chin. That wasn’t the best way to approach the situation but I don’t give any fucks when I’m in rage mode. Is it not also the persons fault who provokes the attacker? I have anger issues that had come up again due to all the stress from school , family problems , and work. I don’t complain to anyone I actually like keeping to myself since they’re my problems anyways , right? So the way I usually cope with life is by doing what I love and thats working out for example running , power training , or whatever it may be, but It hasn’t been enough. So from punching my brother things escalated to my niece bitching about some shit I can’t remember and me putting a hole in the wall. My mom hit me for being an idiot and I pushed her away.
I dislike the person I become when I’m angry I always end up hurting someone else or myself in the process. Not many people know about my issue but a few of the people who did know are currently out of my life. It’s sad knowing that part of me wishes they were still around. Ahh well lets go on, I had a lot of occasions around a year ago and since then and up until about a week ago things were perfectly fine. I started to not give a shit about how I talked to my mom when I was pissed off about something, today after hitting my brother he said, “I don’t like the way you talk to mom… I love her with all my heart and this is how you treat her.” Tears coming down his face. I love my brother and my mom with all my heart, after I had calmed down I realized that I need to do something else to cope with my temper.
I’d like to say blogging helps with relieving stress and whatever, but the ego kicks in and I feel like “I’m a bitch.”